A Reflection on What I Felt on Pine Ridge

Before going to South Dakota I expected that I would see a community in peril, that I would hear the voices of those no one listened to and that I would taste bitterness of my own past. I told others that I had no real expectations of Pine Ridge. Yet inside, privately, I expected to experience something important, something intangible, that would shift the way I saw myself and others around me. The very real expectation that I would find some underlying truth in my own life experiences did not go unfulfilled; however, I recognized something more important. I realized that the friendships I cherish, those whose love and whose advice I listen to will always present challenges to me. Those challenges force me to reevaluate what I think is true, what I hold as important and what I decide to judge.

When I listened to others speak about challenges they faced with family, friends and life I thought about my own situation and relationships.  Talking with residents on the reservation opened my mind to understanding the real and close connections of what community and friendships truly mean. Speaking and laughing through the painful experiences is something I learned on the reservation. To go from serious, and often sad conversations, to a light jokes and good humor was something that caught me off guard. It helped me break the spiral of thought that comes with attempting to intellectually define and understand life. To laugh at a corny joke and to not be sarcastic are things I recognized as essential to the healing of my own relationships and friendships.

Those people, that we all have in our life, the people who understand us sometimes better than we understand ourselves at times, are necessary for more than a healthy life. They become essential for a vibrant community that is built on compassion, support and struggle. We can never be free of struggle or pain, but we can always find solace in the words and embrace of the people who value us for the people we are.

Natalie Hand was one of the community partners we worked with while on Pine Ridge.  I learned more about resilience, support, and constitution from her actions than from other experiences I have had. She taught me the non-verbal lessons I needed to experience. More than most other people I have met, Natalie showed me the true value of being in a community. It does not simply mean giving back or helping. It means living and breathing, eating and laughing, crying and singing with the people you love (and even those who you don't like not so much). It is an action and way of healing. While others have taught me through their words, not many have taught me through their actions or character.

All in all, I believe that my experiences on Pine Ridge taught me to reevaluate myself. Not so much as looking within, but rather to take what I already have and look at it in another way. To look at myself not in the eyes of my own reflection but through my heart, to hear my own intuition instead of my fears, to taste sweetness of moments we share with others.